I’ve definately let this blog fall by the wayside, finding the time to update this blog as well as my professional sites and working full time, 9 to 5, is difficult. I promise to try and visit a lot more frequently than history to date shows.

I still have gained no additional experience in BDSM since my last meet in France, it seems my timetable is too tight. I’m trying to open up longer periods for possible sessions and overnight meetings but so far no joy with my bosses. That doesn’t mean i am not eager to serve…

Lately i have become disillusioned with the country i live in, the United Kingdom, it upsets me and saddens me every day i wake up in the damp, cold and dingy surroundings of a country that is slowly being torn apart by it’s own government. I want to be taken out of this environment, i want to live somewhere else and grow older in safer and more attractive place.

These recent depressions have had me seriously pondering seeking 24/7 slaveships with appropriate master’s from abroad. In my head it sounds like a good idea, but i’m not sure, it’s a big step and means giving up my work, family commuication and of course my home, my dreams/ambitions possibly too, so i’m still a little hessitant.

Of course saying i want a 24/7 solution to my woes is a lot easier than it is in reality. Finding the right Dominant to take me is a very important decission; i do not want to be stuck with someone who is ‘playing’ or who isn’t capable of providig a home for an obediant slave. The way i see it at present is that i will need someone who has their own property, who can provide for the members of the household as well as a slave, who has a spacious and safe premises and who is experienced in BDSM and willing to rescue an aging slave from his nightmare.

In return of course i’ll give myself, in mind, body and soul – all of me. Though some training is still required, i will serve happily and never forget the gesture that was bringing me in to their home. Serving my dominant and any other as they saw fit in any area of service as well as domestic duties. My dominant would remain, in my eyes, my saviour and facilitator of my liberation.

Takers?

I often imagine scenarios and scenes worthy of a dramatic film adaptation which in turn makes my fantasy overwhelm my real-world experiences, there is no reason why the no expense spared, big budget extravaganza could not be cleverly choreographed and staged – to become one of the best moments in my life ever. But why would it ever become reality? It saddens me knowing the fantasies and dreamt up role plays that i have night after night, that are more erotic than anything I’ve ever known, will simply wither and over time finally disappear – never having a hope of being made ‘real.’

Though all are fairly sensational there and though elements of each elaborate set up tend to incorporate themselves newly thought out sequences, the most recent is perhaps the one that has had me most aroused, on the other hand the reason for my enhanced arousal could simply be the most recent set up is the one at the forefront of my mind – and at the top of my list for attempting first!

I am hooded and travelling in the back of a van, or perhaps the boot of a large car – i’m still hazy from the the booze, so much booze and my wherabouts are unclear. We are definately moving, my head knows we are from the constant bashing against the vehicle as we drive catiously but quickly. Very quickly. Suddenly we stop, car doors open and then close, suddenly light, heavenly light but i would soon realise i was far from such a place and the light was simply day as i was taken from the back of the vehicle, still fried from alcohol an obvious method used to weaken my resistance i stumble between two men as the pull towards a large, reasonably maintained house by my arms. Up the steps, through the doors, i was lead to a large open room, there was a natural fire burning away in the corner, lots of windows and a desk with a chair positioed behind it.

I was dropped and forced to the floor, i would try to get up, but it soon became clear that i did not simply fall but i was supposed to be on the floor. The dirty boot pressed deep in to my bak, painfully so hammered this message home. A couple of minutes like this passed then, almost as if it was a well thought out plot to make me sweat, two men entered the room, one a large man – not fat but muscular, some kind of bodygaurd and a noticably thinner yet confident man, the thinner man took something from the man who’s foot forced me in to submission. My passport, he flicked through it, verified my identity before placing it in his jacket pocket. The man’s boot released my back as his hands grabbed my hair, he pulled me to my news and held my face up towards the second of the two men. He leant in, using his hands, he moved my face from side to side, he opened my eyes, he opened my mouth and forced his fingers in, i gagged he was so forceful. He turned to the main holding me, he told him that i would do and handed him a wad of cash, ’sobre him up and then you can go,’ he muttered.

The next morning, i woke not knowing quite where i was – not sure what parts i remembered were fiction and which was reality, i rose from my bed on the round – made up of a dirty mattress and a couple of rags – still in my clothes from yesterday. I approched the door in to this cell, it was locked, suddenly it hit me – it was all real and i was at the hands of a man who was as fearful as he was rich and powerful. As i stood behind the door, wondering what to do – glancing around, quickly scanning for windows or other escape points to no avail i heard a key move behind me then a handle, i stumbled back, trying to to get back to my bed – perhaps if i was still asleep i’d be left alone. The door swung open, i was still standing as the man entered followed by another – stronger man, ‘good your awake, we can begin’ he suggested. ‘Take your lothes off,’ i refused and backed in to a wall, a simple gesture was all it took to have his rockwiler grab me and forcably hold me, the man who had bought me slowly approached me and lashed his hand across my face – my face stung as much as it glowed. He began tearing my clothes off me, finally all i was left with was my boxers – those came off quicker than any other item, the strong man holding my threw me down andd held me to the ground. My owner walked behind us, i could hear his pants being unfastened. He dropped casually to his knees as he spread my ass cheeks, he spat in to my ass hole and without warning he forced his cock in to my untouched hole – the entry ripped open to accomodate his weapon and he only ever speeded up – never allowing time for the pain to cease.

Then i snap out of my day dream, i could continue and imagine how my dream could have continued but it’s rather pointless.

Yes, I flew off to France on the 6th of October to pursue my fantasies of submission. Sadly, I didn’t enjoy it a failed to complete my second day under my Master’s command. I asked to leave and we parted ways amicably.

I feel that I am not suited to a Master/slave relationship, I’m not gay and I have only ever been curious, men just don’t do it for me unfortunately and I can’t help but think the only plausible explanation for why I have subbed for a couple of men is simply put; Mistresses are in short supply and much more cautious/secretive than the Master’s out there.

My experience has not disheartened me or made me feel like surrendering my fantasies but it has confirmed something for me, something that had i not tried it would have becoming one of those annoying ‘what if’ moments. I would not have liked that, those moments annoy the hell out of me and play on my mind.

I experienced more BDSM whilst I was under his control, BDSM that was a little harsher than I have been privy to before and BDSM that I just can not experience with self-bondage.

I was immediately told to disrobe, we then had a glass of wine each, I was collared with a chain and padlocked, cuffed with leather cuffs and supplied ’slave’ socks as the floor was tiled. We sat and talked for a while, he went through his basic rules before inspecting me. Earlier, before I was naked, my eyes found tie points in the ceiling and walls, it was not long till i was testing the strength of some of these points first hand he took my wrists and hooked them to a separate tie point, my arms were stretched hight above me and parted just a bit wider than my shoulder length. He cuffed my ankles and clipped a spreader bar between my feet, the bar brought my feet to the approximate width to which my arms were spread. I was painfully hard by the time  was fully bound.

In came a sack which was placed firmly over my head, I could see nothing now and was completely at the mercy of my new Master, he began by walking around my bound and stretched body… occasionally he would rub or caress a part of it, it was established early on that he had a resentment for hard cocks that were not his own, every time he passed my hard cock – so hard by this time that my head had pushed past my foreskin, he would slap it… it would spring back and he would slap it again. Often he would catch the sensitive and exposed head, causing me to turn slightly within my restraints.

He continued to walk around me, he wanted me to anticipate his next action. He pulled my ass open, took a long look, placed his finger at the hole and explained how tight it was, how a big man would obliterate it and how I would suffer should that occur. Lucky for me he wasn’t in to anal sex other than with toys. He explained had he have been he would have took me there and then, without lube or spit. A scenario i didn’t want to happen. My ass cheeks were allowed to close momentarily, I heard the gathering of gear but wasn’t able to discover more than that until my ass was open again and the cols tip of a butt plug was slowly inserted. He explained in his French accent that he was testing my tightness and retention, the small pug barely got half way when he removed and explained he was trying a bigger one. I was not looking forward to it and inevitably it was a painfully slow, tortuous insertion that reached probably only a couple of centimetres deep. He stopped trying and began spanking my ass.

Check back to see how i held up under the spanking and how i coped with the rest of the days activities.

Updates have been scarce lately, scarcer than usual, because i have been working on a top secret project! Kinkster, my personal and completely free exhibitionistic Web World.

My ambitions are big for this site, this blog will be linked in to the web site as well as a completely new and seperately hosted site full of pics, videos, stories and regular updates. This blog will become my official journal.

Kinkster, the site, will hopefully grow in to a community and get better content, higher quality stills and videosd and perhaps even open it’s doors to other Men/Boys who want to strut their stuff and take a walk on the exhibitionistic site. Kinkster, although free will be presented similaly to a pay site and updates will be presented as ’sets’ Kinkster is not just a forum/blog with one off pics, there is substance, there is a passion behind it.

Visitors can view the content, get their jollies and then leave or they can join the boards and contribute their requests, comments and/or their own images. All sets can be downloaded and kept – FOREVER, DRM FREE!

I hope you all can join and check it out. Take a tour and see what will be on offer when Kinkster launches on December 1st.

I have recently made live my planned personal site that is to house personal images and videos of a XXX variety. It’s free and will remain so but is members only, by invite or request. At present there is little to see except the homepage.

I find myself in need of someone to take some more, more recent, pictures of me. I have had enough of the self shot images, they are not easy to take and lack creativity. So, I Propose a day of naked fun, you will have the opportunity to take as many pics as you like and we can share the content created for own purposes.

You don’t even need to be a photographer, i have all the equipment required and will give a crash course in producing decent images. You just need to be friendly, creative and sane, naturally.

If video takes your fancy, we can shoot hat too.

A few months back I discovered LiveJasmin, a site that streams live web cams that range from non-nude to the more explicit variety, I noticed there was a models link at the bottom and after a little more investigation I found myself registering as a male model in the 18-22 – skinny white male category. Within minutes of my first live show I was on my first private, pay-per-minute show, it was amazing and completely, immensely, explosively erotic.

I was performing again last night and i was doing well, the guest (free users) to member (members with credits) ratio was in my favour (ie: more members than guests) which is very uncommon, i was using my HD video camera with zoom functionality and which of course produced an output much higher than a web cam would, a lot of the girls use these and perform from a professional studio but many of the lads don’t, so i set myself above the competition and wasready for the cash to come flying in.

I gave a more erotic ‘free’ show than normal and showed a lot, i got carried away, it paid off though and i had three privates within the first hour.

I was about ready to log ff when a member privated me and i was obliged to carry on until after the private as he had already paid. It was a cam2cam, which i am not keen on at all, during the course of the show it transpired he was in the same region as me and once he discovered this he began offering me cash to meet him. I politely declined and he kept upping it, at the highest point he upped it to £400, double his first offering. I was so tempted… and flattered but i declined again, he would not leave it he kept trying to persuade me. It took all my reserve to refuse such a high amount of cash.

Should I have took it? Should I have met?

My primary reason for refusing was safety, I did not know him and he did not know me. As I began pondering the offer other justifications for refusal also surfaced; I wouldn’t be worth the amount he was offering, my lack of experience, prostitution is a different to pay-per-view cam shows, how would i feel afterwards and that if he’s willing to sleep around on a whim with someone he has never met before there might be something I could catch from our liaison.

So, i politely declined again and he eased off. I can’t help thinking though that i could’ve earnt £400 for literally no work at all.

My ass pulsates quicker than anything I’ve known when my mind turns to submission, when my imaginary counterpart is engaged in a lifestyle/scenarios that I long to excel at.

I realised in recent days that a) I do not update as often as I should, b) I’m not doing bad for readers and c) shockingly, there isn’t a single picture of me up here – shocking given my self-proclaimed affinity with exhibitionism and the pleasure I derive from sharing myself. So in the hope of my perpetual pleasure and in a bid to put a face to these scarce ramblings i have included an image, more can be supplied upon request should you wish :p

I actually have shorter hair now and a less ‘messy’ pubic region, these were the most recent and date back to being only a month or so old. If you would like more, better yet; if you would like to take some of me – drop me a line.

I will address my lack of updates as soon as I can but when my new job comes through and i am working more consistent hours I will be able to devote much more time. I have started keeping a journal, i make mostly daily entries and may consider publishing those entries shortly.

I hope people are enjoying my textual adventures and hope you do continue to me out on a regular basis. If you want to play, drop me a line.

The morning after a rather heavy night out, i lay on top of my bedding, must’ve been a hot night, and as soon as my eyes flickered to reveal day, mini daydreams entered my mind; flashes of submission and sexual service.

Those flashes inspired me to recontact the Dominant i had my first experience with and see if he’d be willing to take on another session, especially since now my limits have changed and i know there are a couple of things he wanted to do last time that i just wasn’t preapred for, but now i am, also i really liked how he Dominated me – it was strong, forceful and brutish yet caring and sincere at the same time.

I imagine my asshole exposed, vulnerable and very much on show as i crawl around the apartment on all-fours naked like some kind of animal, waiting to be used for pleasure or amusement. I imagine a tight cord around my neck, tighten even more as i’m pulled to his cock, he slides it in and buries it deep in my mouth – pulling tighter on the cord as i gag. I imagine my legs tightly bound, my hands taped behind my back as i’m thrown face down on a bed, my ass ferociously grabbed at, opened, stretched and penetrated…

Maybe.

Lately I have been wondering what use white noise could have, I ran across a picture on the web that showed a guy strapped in to a chair and blindfolded beneath several Hitachi Magic Wand vibrators that were hanging by rope from the ceiling, they were hung at various lengths and in scattered positions but all were around his head and ears. I assume this was a prelude to a sensory deprivation scene.


It got me switched on to sensory dep, I wondered about the same set-up, the same scenario: strapped to a chair and blindfolded but instead of magic wands (’cos that would be way too expensive, they cost like £60 each) use headphones with white noise playing on a constant loop. That would be hot.

Also, lately I’ve been contemplating setting up a completely free members only site. My ideas have been revolving around a personal solo site, featuring nude stills and video sets that in most cases would be self shot but professional of just myself to begin with. Eventually i would want to put out ads and invitations for members to be a part of the site by shooting a set with me, either in front or behind the camera or perhaps even appear in their own set. As the site grows I would like it to take on more of a fetish style and feature a lot of M/m BDSM – there doesn’t seem to be a lot of that out there at the moment, much less for free, and i feel a site like this could really take off at present. I would want the site to remain FREE FOREVER, it would however require a registration and all content will be stored in a members only area to protect the content from content thieves and also the anonymity of the other performers featured on the site.

I would like to know what you think about the site idea and whether or not you may be able to help me get the ball running. I can handle the majority of tasks but selfshot stuff can only work for a while, so i guess i’m really in the market for someone to shoot content of me and/or others. Please comment or contact me if you can help me out.

I like, enjoy and prefer to be naked, not only is it freeing and to some extent liberating but psychologically i feel ‘lighter’ and perhaps, weirdly, I feel I’m at my strongest when I embrace nudity, even though the rules of society and traditional conventions would dictate I should be feeling at my most vulnerable.

Being nude in other peoples company, especially if they remained clothed, I would still be turned and revel in my nakedness but I wouldn’t feel as strong, in fact almost the complete opposite, I would feel vulnerable. Psychologically too, I would feel beneath them and also tht i was an inferior being to them.

It’s a factor of play I love, especially when given positions/postures that heighten my vulnerabilities and objectification, further enforcing the idea that I am an object who is to serve and submit, that expose or focus other peoples attention to various parts of my body such as having me kneel in doggy position whilst presenting my ass.

I have taken to being naked and having others watch me so much that to feed my desire further i have started weekly, sometimes even daily, cam shows on a respectable premium adult cam site/community.

This is in no way as fulfilling as enforced nudity and BDSM but it helps.